it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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