im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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