Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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