where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
