Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize