I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
