I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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