her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
