If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize