at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
smell my finger.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
