Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
