when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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