My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
vagina is talking i cant
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
