For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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