U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
