we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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