then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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