FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
