if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
