when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
