You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
