so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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