It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
