omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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