Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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