So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize