told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
