Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Still dying that you shit outside
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
