And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
