420 ftw
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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