i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
