epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
