be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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