Non-Jews are for practice
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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