my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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