Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
