WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
