I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.