i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend