I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.