Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
