I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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