I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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