I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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