I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
