I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
