glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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