Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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