I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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