soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
