Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
