K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cockslap morals
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
