who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
