butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
