I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
