found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
