Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
