I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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