Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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